Disclaimer: Names of people, whether children or adults, have been changed to respect their privacy.

I’ve recently come across a number of adults in positions of authority who seem to use certain questionable methods to assert that authority. One that is sadly common as a “disciplinary hack” that has come to my attention in multiple scenarios is “I’ll tell your parents”. Here are a couple of examples of scenarios – the usage and their effect.

1. 7 year old Leena was running around when she was supposed to be standing still. One of her teachers saw her and said “Leena, if you misbehave, I will complain to your father!” Leena spent the next one hour sobbing, and consequently missing a fun activity in one of her favourite classes.

2. 8 year old Rohan was eating his lunch slowly, and missed 5 minutes of his first class. The teacher monitoring scolded him, saying “I will tell your mother!” Rohan came home and told his mother himself, but also told her that he was scared to tell her because the teacher scolded him and said she’d tell his mother in the same vein. Rohan usually readily tells his mother about his day, both the good and challenging.

3. The 2nd grade class had a fun activity in one of their classes, and it was a noisy one! There are many methods to calm down. The method chosen by the teacher was “If you make noise, I will call Divya ma’am!” (Divya ma’am being their vice principal).

I’ll leave you all with a moment to think about these 3 distinct incidents, their effects, and how they could have been handled differently.

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Some effects of the incidents:

• The person to whom the complaint was being made (mother, father, vice principal) was indirectly being vilified. With this, a false sense of fear is created around this person.
• Understanding the true consequences of their actions are lost -be it the child missing out on a class due to running around or going hungry from lunch due to not eating.
• Without understanding the consequences, the same actions get repeated.

What could have been changed about each of these situations?

1. For starters, the buck of discussing consequences shouldn’t be passed to parents and others!
2. Consequences should be discussed on the spot (not postponed), in a matter-of-fact, non-confrontational manner.
3. Use do’s instead of don’t’s. (Example: “Let’s sit and do this together” vs “Don’t run around”)

What else do you think we could do in the above situations to replace vilifying and fear with constructive criticism and positive reinforcement?

The Aurinko Sports Day came and went this weekend. Aurinko does it again! The format of the Aurinko Sports Day is unlike any other I’ve personally seen. Children are led on the path of enjoying recreational sports, as the first requirement in being skilled at sports (or anything really) is enjoying what you’re doing.

The focus is on ensuring every child enjoys working out and playing sports, rather than focussing on winning (and invariably focussing on losing). Every child participated in a number of games. Every child was recognized for their participation through the audience’s cheers and being awarded a medal. Thereby, every child was given an opportunity to believe that they are capable! Even the children who were nervous prior to the event about their performance, ended up saying that the Sports Day was the most fun event ever and feeling proud of themselves for participating!

Why is it so important to focus on participation, you may ask. When the focus is on winning, often participants give up when they realize someone has already won. At Aurinko, every child completed the race, even when they realized that someone else had already reached the finish line! The cheers too did not stop till every child completed the race! The value of finishing what one has started thereby transfers to other life events. This also brings out the notion of aspiring to be good at what one does, irrespective of how others are doing.

Another lovely aspect of the Aurinko Sports Day was family participation. Participation, not competition. We family members did zumba, played tug of war, and also played a very interesting game designed and built by the Aurinko students. Our children watched us try hard, cheer each other on, enjoy the sweating and panting, and keep going on! In doing this, we adults literally practiced what we preached!

It was such a joy to be a part of an event where everyone in the school – teachers, staff, children and families enjoyed together so much. The day ended leaving all of us in the Aurinko Family feeling relaxed, content and happy to have spent time together playing and laughing.

What is pride? Why do we feel proud? When should we feel proud, and how can we express pride in a positive manner? Are there different kinds of pride? These are deep questions to ponder for a fully grown adult, and yet Aurinko approaches them, as always, in true Aurinko style – simply, naturally, and in a way that children will always remember. For those who aren’t in the know, Aurinko Academy, the school my daughter attends is truly a progressive, child-centric, joyful school located in Bangalore, India.

After a long and severe viral fever for 10 days, my daughter Ananya, Grade 2, was overjoyed to return to school. (I should add that Aurinko children LOVE going to school – they will work hard at making fevers go away just so they can get back to school!) She had some positive recognition last couple of days – including being selected for the International Reading Olympiad. When she came home she said she felt happy. Being a mom, I naturally gave her a big hug and told her I’m proud of her! 

After some quiet time, she told me, that there is good pride and not-good pride, and good pride is when she feels pride for herself or her parents feel proud of her, but bad pride means showing off, saying “I’m the best!” and making anyone else feel bad. She also said that just because she is good at something, doesn’t mean that someone else also can’t be good at it, and that’s why she shouldn’t say “I’m the best”.  She said that they discussed this last year in Rama ma’am’s class, and that she always recollects this when she feels happy or proud of something she did. 

She also told me she wishes all her friends got selected with her for the Olympiad. This is another wonderful demonstration of the Aurinko philosophy, where children always want to share their joy rather than keep it to themselves. Of course, learning is at the core of this joy, where children believe in cooperation, helping and guiding each other rather than viewing learning as a(n unhealthy) competition. Learning, and education, is meant to be shared with all, and not kept selfishishly to oneself. I see this in every Aurinko child I’ve been lucky to meet – that they are always eager to share their joy! 

This conversation with her, just made me feel so proud to be a part of Aurinko ❤️ Do visit Aurinko by clicking here to know more!

This post has been also been posted at https://www.aurinkoacademy.com/good-pride-and-bad-pride/, or click here to view.

Yesterday, I took a drive down memory lane, both literally and figuratively, as I went down Hosur Road (safely masked in my own vehicle!) to my alma mater, iiit-b. I have been a part of iiit-b as a student since 2004, when as a tender freshly-graduated B.E. I entered the campus for the first time. Little did I know, what an impact this wonderful organization would have on my life. 

The campus one would visit today (in safer times of course) is very different from that which I entered in 2004. The structure has grown, burgeoning into new buildings. Gone is the window-canteen, where we would drop in for a cuppa noodles at midnight; and the small patch of lawn behind the erstwhile women’s hostel, where we would play badminton in the evenings.

However, in all these years one pillar has remained constant – Professor Sadagopan, our esteemed and beloved director. 

There is no lack of articles on the internet that embody his achievements. What I could tell you about his accomplishments, you would already know! I could write about his long list of awards, but you would have looked those up! I instead choose to write about the teacher, who has influenced many, many students. 

I remember the talk he had with our M.Tech batch on the day that we joined in 2004, near the erstwhile pond. This was my first interaction with him. For those of you wondering which pond I am speaking of – seventeen years ago, when our campus was brand-new, there used to be a pond to the left side as soon as we entered, inhabited by ducks, with rabbits hopping around on the lawn. As we unloaded our belongings into our new hostel rooms, we were summoned to the pond for the director’s address. I can still feel in my heart the warmth of the director’s welcome on that day. As he spoke to us of new beginnings on that warm summer day, it was the first spark that lit our journey of learning at iiit-b. 

The most life-changing impact the Director had on my life was at my Ph. D. graduation. I had recently moved to the US, awaiting my Ph. D. defense. When my time to defend arrived, I could not fly out to India, due to medical reasons – my little A was due to arrive a mere few weeks later! I shall be eternally grateful to Professor Sadagopan, and my two mentors Prof Chandrashekar and Prof NJ Rao, for having enabled me to defend online via Skype. Professor’s innovation and support in allowing me to do so came at a time when online defenses were not common, in fact I was the first from iiit-b to do so. Further, as I could not attend my convocation, he arranged to have my father personally collect my degree from the chief guest, in a true partnership of kindness and innovation. Professor, I am so proud to be a graduate of iiit-b, twice over. 

I could write about so many more ways he has influenced our lives, such the time he visited my home on the occasion of Navarathri Golu. To have my Guru visit home on Saraswati Pooja is a blessing I will cherish forever. During the first week of my M. Tech., when he requested all of the new students to write an essay on their expectations of their time at iiit-b – and yes, he read them all! Today, personalized learning is a buzzword, one which every educational institution strives to achieve through any means. But Professor Sadagopan has always known each and every one of his students for their individuality, no small feat across so many decades! For as long as I have been a part of iiit-b, his doors have always been open to all his students to drop in for a quick word or a long conversation. Yes, I could write on and on about all that he has done for us! 

Dear Professor, we cannot thank you so much for all you have done for our institute. You have guided me, and so many others and built our institute from the ground up. Your kindness and support are always remembered with gratitude.  Our namaskaarams to you and Madam. 

Thank you,
Vyshnavi